Back when Myspace was cool, David and I exchanged flirty messages back and forth, getting to know one another. It turned out, he lived about seven minutes from my house. After meeting, going on dates, ect. he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was iffy about it to begin with because of course I thought I was this hot tamale that couldn't be tamed, haha. After giving it some thought, I agreed. Our relationship was perfect. Really, I couldn't have asked for a better man. The first two years of our relationship, sober, were the best days.....
Fast forward to me being seventeen, I have a diploma (I graduated at age 16). I was working as a receptionist for a multi-million dollar company.
Out of nowhere, it all happened so fast....my life started spiraling out of my control, and suddenly David & I both caught ourselves jobless, addicted to pills, broke, dope sick, and at our lowest. I spent basically a year of my life doing whatever I wanted to do. You could say I spent a long time searching for my next dose. Anyways, at age eighteen I found out I was pregnant.
As soon as I even suspected I was pregnant, I stopped. Cold turkey. I was nine and a half weeks when I had my very first ultrasound, all I could see what a flicker, his heartbeat. A living human, in my body. Another person's heartbeat, in my stomach. My instant thought was, "he's mine." With a little help, I created him. I couldn't wait to be a mother. I did a complete one eighty. I took parenting classes, I spent my days at home, I crafted, and definitely nested.
Around twenty-eight weeks, David finally was getting sentenced for a very old charge (violating his probation). To find out he wasn't going to be there to see his son be born, was the most heartbreaking thing that could possibly happen. We've came so far....and now he won't be there for me, the one time I needed him the most. Finally going into labor, on my birthday, was the most amazing experience, I would literally do it all over again, everyday, if I could. I would relive that moment, over and over again. It was like my heart was missing this piece, and he completely filled it.
Unfortunately I picked up bad habits one random day, nothing triggered me. It was just there. I gave into temptation. I used (of course I was not with Tristian). I couldn't forgive myself. I have this healthy, wonderful, baby at home.
He needed me. I checked myself into a rehab, for a night, while my mom was safely with Tristian at home. It was one of those cheap ones that people check themselves into so they can get out of jail sentences, so it was disgusting and literally like jail. The next morning I checked myself out, saw a therapist, saw my doctor, and ever since that morning....I have been clean. I have no desire to do any sort of drug, nor am I looking for any type of high. I've had horrible things happen to me since then, and I never even thought about using. Which to me, shows, I'm doing pretty good. Addiction is a horrible, horrible disease. It really is a disease. I'm one of the lucky ones. I've been over 150+ days sober, I lost track. I take it day by day but I couldn't be more content being Tristian's mommy, that's for sure. He lights up my days, he truly is my savior, I'm nothing without him. He is all the reason I need to be the best I can possibly be. Thank you Lord, for blessing me.
